Aunt Camellia's Rules for MOPB

MOPB—Minding Other People’s Business—is a spiritual path as much as any other, and Aunt Camellia, Crone Extraordinaire, is the expert due to background, focus, and avocation. She issues from a long line of Tenders of How Things Ought to Be. Many a family member has traveled to far climes to escape the scrutiny of the Tenders. As a cousin said of one of the escapees, “If she didn’t want us talking about her, she shouldn’t lead such an interesting life.” Aunt Camellia also spent her youth and a long time after observing. Other people seemed to know the right way of doing things, and she felt if she looked closely enough, she would know, too. When that didn’t work, and Camellia found the enjoyment of outrageous behavior of her own wasn’t sustainable, she began reading, searching for great words to lead her on a better path. Now, after nearly a whole lifetime on this journey, Aunt Camellia has codified the process of minding other people’s business for herself, and will gladly share her insights with you.

Rule 1—Aunt Camellia often finds herself taking more than merely entertainment value upon hearing about the to-doings of others. She offers advice, thinks about it, offers it again, keeps thinking about it, offers it…well, you have the picture, and probably have had the benefit of such advice from one of Aunt Camellia’s many counterparts. Aunt Camellia has become, as the Buddhists say, attached to both the advice and the outcome. Which means, as she has often said without understanding the import of her own words, she is talking to herself. The world is Aunt Camellia’s mirror. When she points a problem out in others, the Universe is drawing her attention to a problem she has with herself. And if she really really doesn’t want to address this problem, telling others how they can fix themselves certainly keeps her too busy from noticing and changing her own behavior. On the spiritual path, when Aunt Camellia finds herself in swivit over other people’s behaviors, she is relieved when she remembers it is all about her. When she can finally muzzle herself and take a deep breath, she can hear all that good advice she has been shoveling out. Aha, she’ll say. And smile, remembering Rule 1—the best advice is given to yourself.

Rule 2—You, dear soul, might come to Aunt Camellia and say, “My life is so unruly, and I really think something must change….here, him, her, them, more, less…etc.” Next to herself, this is Aunt Camellia’s favorite topic, and she will gently answer, “The world is your mirror. What you see outside yourself is merely a reflection of confusion within.” Now you will probably bristle, thinking Aunt Camellia is telling you to stay and suffer in some untenable situation. Not so, and she will be glad to discuss this for hours. It’s so much more fun than dusting, especially if coffee and chocolate are included. But in essence the discussion always comes back to Rule 2—when you are in a stew, unless you recognize the thinking which got you there, you can leave, but you will only take the stewpot and the fire with you.

Rule 3—Perhaps you plan on coming to Auntee and saying, “Should I change…here, him, her, them, more, or less…?” No. You don’t have the stamina for it, and you will only come back later whining how nothing worked out. Aunt Camellia can’t abide a whiner (which probably means she is one, but she isn’t handing out advice on whining, so doesn’t have to deal with it herself right now) and will do anything to avoid even the future possibility of listening to one. She firmly believes in Rule 3—if you have to ask permission, don’t do it.

Rule 4—You have just come to Aunt Camellia and said, “I am going to do such and thus..” incredibly stupid thing. If Aunt Camellia has managed to notice you have not asked for discussion, and she is not wrestling with the same idiotic issue herself, she figures it is a done deal. She’ll say, “Have fun.” Because as is stated in Rule 4—if you need the lesson, the Universe will provide it. Just remember, you are about to live an interesting life.

That’s it. Four rules which cover all the bases Aunt Camellia can think of. You might want to keep a copy of these rules in your billfold for a handy reference, in case Aunt Camellia isn't available (she's never learned how to answer her cell phone), and you are in need of some emergency advice. If you are old enough that giving advice is far more interesting than doing the things that generates it, congratulations. You are probably a Crone, and already an expert on Other People’s Business. Feel free to adapt Aunt Camellia’s rules for your own use. If you get them wrong, somebody will tell you about it.