Hello

I was a child who never fit comfortably in her skin, or felt at home in her small corner of the world. I think of myself as a turtle during those long years, only my shell wasn’t really a home, it was a hard defense to keep the world away. I was always poking my head out to see if the weather was good, but most of the time I thought it was stormy, so I would draw back in. Diffuse anxiety, I called it, and there was no occasion festive enough to overcome its gloom. Like Joe Btfsplk, the well-meaning character in L’il Abner who was constantly followed by a rain cloud, I was a human jinx…and, though I didn't know how, I was jinxiing myself.

Early on I started reading any book which promised to help me find some way out of my perpetual gloom, to at least get on the train headed for Happily Ever After. Finally in the past few years I've discovered sunshine. At first the moments were rare, a few hours, then days of everything being all right. The days have lengthened, and though I still occasionally notice that cloud of anxiety, I find I am living in a different world. It’s not Happily Ever After, a mythical country always somewhere down the track. It’s an immediate place, as large as the Universe. I call it Now.

What made the difference? I am sure many factors have contributed, and I have tried to look at some, as well as those moments when suddenly I realize the air is lighter, the sky is brighter, and I’m at home at last. I am using this web spot to share those moments with you, and hope you have some to share with me. With love and peace, Camellia